Not a single one of your ancestors has ever failed in getting laid (Most people on tumblr will probably break the chain)
If you are 80 years old, you have lived through over 1/3 of America’s history
At one point, you were the youngest person in the world.
If a woman who is an only child has all boys (or no children at all), they are ending a chain of women that has been going since we were single-celled organisms.
The average human is a 28 year old Chinese man.
Dinosaurs were alive for longer than they have been extinct.
You breathe using just one nostril, then switch to the other 30 minutes later. Repeats for life. (After reading this pay attention)
In 30 or 40 years, people will be having 2000s parties. Just like now people throw “dress like the 70s” parties.
John Lennon is part of a group that has sold more CD’s than anyone else in the history of human life, and he never knew what a CD even was.
Grossness and morals define each other. For example, you won’t spit in the mouth of your girlfriend, yet you will kiss her.
You spend years seeing the same people often and you’ll never exchange words with them.
People hundreds of years from now will stumble upon your image without thought or emotion.
Everyone dies within six months of their birthday.
50% of all doctors graduated in the lower half of their class.
Mammals are just containers water uses to move itself from one place to another.
Many peoples most cherished beliefs come from 1st century writers and religious fanatics whose understanding of the natural world was below the level of a modern 5 year old.
The “food pyramid” that most of us grew up with was published by the US dept of agriculture. Their job is to promote agriculture, not to promote healthy eating.
80% of the images on the internet are of naked women.
If we ever meet superior aliens they will simply classify us under “violent, irrational apes” and will not be amazed by our art or philosophies, the same way we boringly classify newly discovered animals every year.
When the sun goes out, our descendants that watch it go out won’t be human.
When you’re about to die, you’ll regret all the days you took for granted.
The youngest mother in medical history was 5 years old. It makes you wonder about the generation gap for the people around you. Your best friend could be a thousand generations ahead of you. Your boss could be a hundred generations behind you. Makes sense considering he’s an asshole.
We magnify the differences between us, instead of the things that make us similar. You are not really any different than anyone else on earth that is your age, yet you feel like you are just because they speak a different language, eat different food, worship a different imaginary creature, or live somewhere else. In reality, we are all the same species living on the same planet. To bears, we probably look exactly the same.
on monday, he finds a pea come tuesday, he bags the pea on wednesday, he shows the pea to his son on thursday, the pea kicks and screams come friday, he grinds up the pea come saturday, he buries the pea outside the pea is in the ground and by sunday it can’t be found
And no, this time I’m not talking about St Paul’s and its pro-rapefacebook group and ongoingrape culture (although we could all stand a reminder that shit like “they can’t say no with a cock in their mouth” still exists in 2012).
But tumblr, I really need a signal boost on this one. People need to know. If I were to walk into this situation as an unsuspecting, naive fresher next year I think it would have actually broken me. Here’s the breakdown.
In March this year 33 male students of St John’s College (an accommodation complex within the University of Sydney) were implicated in the near-death of a female fresher. Despite her protests of a potentially fatal medical condition, they forced her and several other women to drink a ‘cocktail’ that included off-milk, dog food and shampoo, in addition to alcohol. She was then left alone to convulse on the floor of a corridor as her stomach ruptured. She spent three days in hospital.
Ostensibly this was “justice”: the punishment for her failure to walk down a corridor backwards, as per the College’s O-Week “rules”. It was her first day in the College.
The College rector, in an admirable attempt to take things in hand, investigated and suspended all the students. He also assigned them to community service and banned them from running for the student council - a decision that was recently overturned. Shortly afterwards, another of the rector’s decisions (to expel a student who caused property damage with a fire extinguisher) met the same fate. The students, quickly realising that the rector had very little actual power, immediately descended into anarchy.
Naming themselves “The Justice Group”, the 33 men made shirts depicting a vomiting eagle - a particularly tasteful nod to both the College’s crest and the hospitalised girl. They began to set fires, spread faeces and smash windows. Women became known as “Jets” (Just Excuse The Slags) and are snubbed by all men once a fortnight so that the men may remain ‘clean’. And should they protest to the blatant misogyny and mistreatment in anyway:
They are ostracised and subjected to horrible and vicious slander. Your door can be kicked in, your room vandalised, and your possessions stolen or strewn across the college. You will receive disgusting and intimidating notes that threaten further retaliation and demand you leave the house. You live in fear, constantly worried about tomorrow, and watching your friends disown you for fear they too will be punished.
And even worse: in retaliation for the overturned ban against running for the student council, seven of the nine available positions have now been taken by members of the original 33. These men will now be responsible for setting the College’s culture, organising events, establishing its rules, enforcing those rules and yes - initiating freshers.
Men who nearly killed a girl this year and continue to harass and threaten many more will now be in near-total control of the College for 2013.
Please pass this on. Not everyone who applies for a College necessarily googles it beforehand, and for some reason I haven’t seen this story reported on any television station. There will be women (and men) walking into this College with absolutely no idea what’s waiting for them.
Update on the situation: yesterday afternoon, Archbishop of Sydney George Pell has called for the resignation of the 6 priests who make up part of the college’s administrative council*. This is significant because
- the legislature relating specifically to this college requires 6 of the 18 members on the council be priests, and - the council cannot meet without at least one priest in attendance
It’s understood that all six priests resigned within two hours of receiving that notice. The administration of the college has basically come to a total standstill.
For some reason, despite the fact that forcing someone to drink that mess should definitely qualify as poisoning them (and under Australian law could in this case result in a charge of attempt murder and/or assault with a deadly weapon) no criminal charges have as yet been laid against the 33 male students involved.
* some sources say 5 priests. I’m getting my info from Triple J, who actually had someone at the college while this was going on.
Yo Australia check your shit
Even the US would have stepped in on something like this by now
Socialism:You have 2 cows and you give one to your neighbor.
Communism:You have 2 cows; the Government takes both and gives you some milk.
Fascism:You have 2 cows; the Government takes both and sells you some milk.
Nazism:You have 2 cows; the Government takes both and shoots you.
Bureaucratism:You have 2 cows; the Government takes both, shoots one, milks the other and throws the milk away..
Traditional Capitalism:You have 2 cows. You sell one and buy a bull. You herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the income.
An American Corporation:You have 2 cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. Later, you hire a consultant to analyze why the cow dropped dead.
A French Corporation:You have 2 cows. You go on strike because you want three cows.
Japanese Corporation:You have 2 cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then create a clever cow cartoon image called Cowkimon and market them Worldwide.
An Italian Corporation:You have 2 cows, but you don't know where they are. You break for lunch.
A Swiss Corporation:You have 5000 cows. None of which belong to you. You charge others for storing them.
Chinese Corporation:You have 2 cows. You have 300 people milking them. You claim full employment, high bovine productivity, and arrest the newsman who reported the numbers.
An Iraqi Corporation:Everyone thinks you have lots of cows. You tell them that you have none. No one believes you and they bomb your arse. You still have no cows, but at least now you are part of a Democracy...
Counter Culture:'Wow, dig it, like there's these 2 cows, man, grazing in the hemp field. You gotta have some of this milk!'
Surrealism:You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.
Apathyologism:You have 2 cows. You do not care.
Fatalist:You have 2 doomed cows...
Atheism:You have 2 cows. There is no God.
A West-Country Corporation:You have 2 cows. That one on the left is kinda cute.
A Brazilian Corporation:You have 2 cows. You pay taxes for 6 cows. You have to sell one cow in order to pay the taxes. Your remaining cow gets sick and dies while waiting for availability in the public vet hospital.
PETA:You have two cows. You kill them both. You then use naked women to convince other people that killing cows is wrong.
Romney:You have 2 cows. You are not the president of the united states.
Old Spice:You have 2 cows. The cows are now diamonds. I'm on a horse.
Tumblr:You have 2 cows. You ship them together and make GIF posts screaming about how much you love your cows, but they should stop existing because they are so perfect.
Hipster:You have two aurochs. You kill one and fashion it into an original leather outfit. You take pictures of the other for instagram and use its milk for Starbucks coffee.
I’m not gonna say anything specific, so as not to spoil anything serious, but there’s one scene in there where Felix makes a comment, a relatively innocuous one, to another character, and that character has a traumatic flash back and freaks the fuck out.
That, my friends, my followers, is a trigger.
A trigger is not getting upset, a trigger is not getting offended. It’s not getting jealous because of something, and it sure as hell isn’t an excuse to try and exert your views over everybody else. It’s a reaction to a traumatic experience. It’s an unfortunate, traumatic experience/state, and it’s being watered down by it’s overuse on tumblr by people who hardly have a grasp on what it means.
My mom’s boyfriend is triggered by loud, sudden noises. He has PTSD, due to several years of service and several terms overseas in Iraq as a medic in the army. He killed a man in self defense, and is still suffering because of it today.
If you honestly get that reaction from seeing a picture of hot dogs, you should invest in some serious psychiatric help immediately.
So you know what? be thankful that you don’t have to suffer through that, and promptly
Elaine accumulates so many shoes that they become a sentient organism. The resulting horror escapes her apartment and stampedes relentlessly through Central Park. Watching the monster wreak its havoc, Elaine’s biggest worry is that someone will criticize her taste in footwear. Kramer finds a hole in an alleyway that he believes to be a rip in time and space. When asked to justify his reasoning, he explains that he just keeps putting things into it and it never seems to fill up. He and Newman start a disposal service, and dump other people’s unwanted belongings into “the rip”. A persistent heckler goes to increasingly elaborate lengths to sabotage Jerry’s shows, culminating in an attempt to flood an entire comedy club with concrete. After George’s downstairs neighbor throws a loud party, he spends the next two weeks stomping around his apartment in clogs. The 4/5/6 line is shut down indefinitely when a quarter-mile segment of tunnel collapses under the weight of an enormous cache of junk and garbage.